I am using a site tracker, which means I am Big Brother, and TMX just became George Orwell’s 1984.  This is at the suggestion of friends, who say I should seriously consider using a tracker to get some “inside knowledge” of my readers.

   This is “inside knowledge” taken to the extreme.

   So far, here are my impressions:

• As much as I hate the idea of surveillance, I get a kick out of tracking people.
• My dad is a loyal Marochaholic.
• At least a dozen readers have searched for “manny pacquiao scandal” and found my blog via Google.
• Most of my readers are Filipino.  Duh.
• If you heart TMX, you heart Macintosh.
• Filipinos who heart TMX also heart Smart Broadband.
• Romantic experiments have potential in the United Kingdom.
• Canadians read my blog more often than Americans.  I love you, Canada!

   So to cater to these needs, here are some changes I’m considering:

• I’ll make this blog friendly to Safari users, and probably use a Mac-based theme.
• I’ll have my dad stop reading my blog.
• I won’t write about Manny Pacquiao anymore.
• Controversial titles = more readers.  As such, “scandal” will precede or succeed every title from now on (i.e. the title of this entry is “Big Brother’s Watching Scandal”).
• I’ll make this blog available in French Canadian, and future TMX t-shirts will bear the Canadian maple leaf and will be made out of imitation beaver fur.

   Man, I like tracking. 

   I’m lazy, so let me do this entry in bullet-points.

• Mahal, Paglutuan Mo Ako Ng Tahong 
• Pitasin Mo Ang Kamias
• Hinog sa Pilit
• Sinampalukang Manok
• Extreme Papaya
• Buko Salad
• Mahirap Buksan ang Bote ng Kaong
• Ube, Macapuno, Pandan
• Kita Mo Na?
• My Girlfriend’s Girlfriend
• My Boyfriend’s Boyfriend
• Kapihan sa Sulo
• Sana’y Muling Makasiping
• Darna Meets Xerex Xaviera
• Sinukat Ka Ngunit Kulang
• Eseng Balondo: Filipino Gigolo
• Ang Bilis-Bilis Mo, Babes
• Ang Tagal-Tagal Mo, Babes
• Ang Tigas-Tigas Mo, Babes
• Ang Laki-Laki Mo, Babes
• Amoy sa Dibdib ni Sugar
• Marami Ka Pang Babayuhing Bigas
• Balahibong Aso
• Babangon Ako’t Papatungin Kita
• Papatong Ako’t Babangunin Kita
• Huwag Mong Silipin ang Sugat Ko
• Kunin Mo Ang Ulo Ni… Machete!
• Butong Pakwan
• Ipinagpalit Sa Halagang P100,000 Ang Nilalaman Ng Bayong
• Kung Tuturbohin Mo Lang Ako
• Zaldy, Pulis Pangkiskisan

   Felix the Cat had the yellow Magic Bag, Doraemon had the pouch of gadgets, and girls have kikay kits.

   A kikay’s handbag holds many mysteries.  Like Horace Miner’s holy shrine among the Nacirema, it is common and at the same time strange.  For such a small container, it holds just about everything necessary for the social survival of the kikay: twelve brands of powder, eleven bottles of cologne, ten lipsticks, nine lip balms, eight boxes of Tic-Tac, seven mascaras, six eyeliners, five make-up kits, four packs of napkins, three pocket mirrors, two mobile phones, and a partridge in a pear tree.

   As a man, I’m left to wonder how it’s possible to pack a designer handbag with everything deemed “necessary” by the kikay.  Maybe it has something to do with the even distribution of weight, or that girls figured out bulk matter transmission way before men did.  It’s not my business to tell girls how to live their lives, but what’s so necessary about it?

   Take leave-on conditioner, for example.  Having long hair myself, I think I know a thing or two about haircare.  Spreading all sorts of semen-like goop all over your hair in the middle of the afternoon will not give you kinamay lang umayos na hair: it’s all about proper combing (start from the bottom, work your way up, and use even strokes).  Or blush: I don’t understand why girls like making themselves look like clowns.

   In the end, it doesn’t make sense to me.  After all, I’m a man.