I find myself extremely amused: in yesterday’s issue of The Philippine Star, the Kilusang Mambubukid ng Pilipinas (KMP) found themselves turned down by Angelina Jolie.  According to the article, Miss Jolie turned down the invitation by the KMP to come to the Philippines to check out the plight of internal refugees displaced by military operations.

   Point of amusement #1: I thought that lumping the “Entertainment,” “Philippines,” “Politics,” and “Sex” categories will not happen until 2010, or when Joey de Leon and/or Willie Revillame will file their candidacies for the Senate.  Point of amusement #2: it’s hard enough to score a date with Angelina Jolie, much less a political engagement such as this.  Point of amusement #3: she’s Angelina Jolie.

   The militants and progressives will probably hate me for this, but I find this extremely funny.  It is, after all, a time ripe for thinking about Valentine’s Day dates, and every red-blooded man would like to have Angelina Jolie as his Valentine.  I suppose that I could write Make-a-Wish right now and say that my wish is to have a dinner date with the star of “Tomb Raider,” “Girl, Interrupted,” and “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” on Valentine’s Day.

   Here’s a piece of advice for the KMP: in that long list of celebrities who can come to the Philippines at any time to speak out on the injustices of displacement, you need not look up at the Hollywood A-list.  Consider these options:

• Jean-Claude Van Damme: the star of such films as “Jihad Warrior” and “Universal Soldier” is the perfect mouthpiece for military operations in the country.
• Chuck Norris: the iconic Hollywood karate legend who starred in such films as “Braddock III,” “A Force of One,” and that commercial for Total Gym.
• Steven Seagal: this Hollywood action hero who starred in “Under Siege” and “Exit Wounds” can speak out on issues of injustice with a voice heard by millions.
• Michael Keaton/Kevin Costner: who better to stand for the issue of social justice than the very actors who played Batman?

   I know what you’re thinking: action stars who probably would have done a better job than Sylvester Stallone in the latest “Rambo” movie would not suffice.  The people demand Angelina Jolie, but consider the alternatives:

• Justine Joli: former Penthouse model, star of “Barely Legal 50,” “Carnival Sluts and Circus Dicks,” and ”House of Ass.”
• Aurora Jolie: adult film star, star of “Whattabooty 2,” “Bikini Booty Bounce,” and “Culos Gigantes 2.”
• Ginger Jolie: former Hustler model, star of “Thrilling Stories of Chloroform Girls in Danger!” “Limo Confidential,” and “Secretaries in Bondage.”
• Jenaveve Jolie: adult film star, star of “Latina Crack Attack,” “Tits Ahoy 3,” and “Cheatin’ Chicas.”
• Ariana Jollee: adult film star, star of “Dripping Creampies 2,” “Best Deep Throat on the Planet,” and “White Butts Drippin’ Chocolate Nuts 3.”

   But let me get serious for a second: this isn’t about exposing the world into the injustices - perceived or actual - of displacement.  What gains are to be gotten in making Angelina Jolie a poster girl for the goings-on of displacement, when you can have somebody like Marian Rivera do it?  I think that the people, protected by the freedoms provided by the Constitution, are free to speak about the issues without having to use Angelina as a propaganda prostitute (although I think you’re free to do it with Justine Joli or Ariana Jollee).

   This, to me, is a matter of movements employing the tried-and-tired way of speaking out against the government: walking on a major thoroughfare carrying banners and burning effigies.  The Sumilao Farmers went the extra mile by walking from Bukidnon to Manila, and were subsequently imitated by other farmers’ groups.  Next thing you know, Tom Cruise will be preaching Scientology in Quirino Grandstand and Leonardo diCaprio will endorse a Presidential contender in 2010.

   Wake up and smell the roses, people!  Even movements that pride themselves about the issues now subscribe to the idea that it’s not about the steak, but about the sizzle.

   Let’s get to the latest toothache news.  The good news is that it’s just a shallow cavity, and that there is no abscess.  The bad news is that based on the dental x-rays, my tooth is impacted on my mandible and is turning my mandibular nerves on haywire.  Or that this is a relapse of my old friend: neuralgia.

   So you see, this isn’t a simple toothache.  Even the most potent of my dentist’s analgesics don’t do anything to arrest the pain.  I’ve been popping mefenamic acid like crazy, and I’ve graduated to ibuprofen.  For all the Ponstan, Alaxan and Flanax in my system, I should fail a drug test by now.  Worse, the pain is spreading to my left side: the side once afflicted with neuralgia.  So I suppose I have every right to scream like a caged animal.

   I have a high tolerance for pain: other people cry over splinters, migraines, back spasms.  Not me: I bumped my head once on an iron rail, lost a lot of blood, and never shed a tear.  I’ve taken blows to my kidneys by standing on the wrong side of a door, and never let out a scream.  Heck, the day I lost my girlfriend, I cried three days after we broke up.  But this is ridiculous: I stay up all night screaming like crazy from the pain on one tooth?