We twentysomethings are a sad lot when it comes to music: we were the generation who listened to 98 Degrees, The Moffatts, and yes, Hanson.  I’ve always defined “Mmmbop” along the lines of being “ba duba dop ba, do bop, ba duba dop ba do bop, ba duba dop ba do.”

   I didn’t have a boy band phase: in high school, I was a big fan of Alanis Morissette.  I still get chills listening to “Uninvited,” my own personal anthem is still “Hand in My Pocket,” and my idea of a love song is “Right Through You.”  Yup, old-school Alanis, late-1990s grunge.  But nonetheless, I was privy to 1990s boy band music.

   If there’s any one band that exemplifies ”boy band,” it’s definitely the Backstreet Boys.  So for this romantic experiment, here are Backstreet Boys answers to love’s toughest questions…

If your SO is telling you that she wants to eat at a McDonald’s, but you really want to eat out at Italianni’s because it’s a special day:

(Tell me why)
Ain’t nothing but a heartache
(Tell me why)
Ain’t nothing but a mistake
(Tell me why)
I never wanna hear you say
“I want it that way…”

Your SO was waiting for you at the fancy French pancake place for breakfast and you happen to be having a midnight affair, so she calls you up:

Listen baby I’m sorry
Just wanna tell you don’t worry
I won’t be late, don’t stay up
And wait for me
I’ll say again, you’re drying out
My battery it’s low
So you know, we’re going to a place nearby
I gotta go 

It’s your monthsary, and your girlfriend wants that Swarovski crystal-studded handbag.  You blew your money on last night’s drinking session:

But my love is all I have to give
Without you I don’t think I can live
I wish I could give the world to you
But love is all I have to give…

Your girlfriend is preparing adobo, but just at the last minute, she realizes she doesn’t have vinegar in her cupboard.  It’s 11:00 PM, and the sari-sari store is closed for the night.  The next open store is a taxi ride away:

I’d go anywhere for you
Anywhere you asked me to
I’d do anything for you
Anything you want me to
Your love’s as far as I can see
That’s all I’m ever gonna need
There’s one thing, for sure I know it’s true
Baby I’d go anywhere for you 

You’re a premature ejaculator:

I feel in heaven when I look in your eyes
I know that you are the one for me
You drive me crazy ’coz you’re one of a kind
I want your lovin’, and I want it right now 

Your and your SO got into a terrible fight that ended up with you having a curling iron hurled straight into your eyes:

I tried to hide it so that no one knows
But I guess it shows
When you look into my eyes
What you did and where you’re coming from
(I don’t care…)
As long as you love me baby…

It’s your first time to have sex, but your girlfriend realizes you have a rather small penis: 

I’m here with my confession
I got nothing to hide no more
I don’t know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart…

Alternatively, you realize that your rather small penis can’t fit into her rather loose, sloppy vagina:

All you people can’t you see, can’t you see
How you’re love’s affecting our reality
Everytime we’re down, you can make it right
And that makes you larger than life 

You don’t care that your girlfriend comes home with the stench of alcohol in her breath.  Strangely enough, she’s beautiful when she’s drunk:

Everytime I breathe I take you in
But my heart beats again
Baby I can’t help it
You keep me drowning in your love
Everytime I try to rise above
I’m swept away by love
Baby I can’t help it
You keep me drowning in your love

Your girlfriend happened to see Derek Ramsay, or Jon Avila, or any other hunk, and she asked for his autograph:

I deserve a try honey just this once
Give me a chance and I’ll prove this all wrong
You walked in you were so quick to judge
Honey he’s nothing like me 

You suddenly realize you’re gay, but you can’t tell your girlfriend straight out:

Baby, please try to forgive me
Stay here, don’t put out the glow
Hold me now don’t bother
If every minute it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man that I’ve become

   I still write “Roman Catholic” whenever I’m asked to fill out a field named “Religion” in a form, but I’m not exactly a Church-going Roman Catholic.  I didn’t attend Ash Wednesday rites last week, and I had pork chops for lunch today.  Well, so much for Lent.

   Lent gives way to some rather… fishy, takes to meals.  A couple of years ago, my brother’s birthday fell on Good Friday: he altered the usual family recipe for spaghetti Bolognese and used canned salmon instead of ground beef.  In last year’s Panagbenga Festival, I had the rare opportunity to have Lent-friendly shawarma, which was made out of vegemeat and tuna.

   I know all about the sacrifice Jesus made to save humankind from sin, but I’m not a fish eater: I’m allergic to many kinds of fish.  Catholic practice is no longer as strict as it was before, but I still fall into that 18-59 age group who should, in the practice of their faith, observe abstinence.  Besides, nobody is allergic to tofu.

   I think that God would forgive me for being quite recalcitrant about fasting and abstinence.  Sometimes, I think that many Christians have problems with their faith because they shed their horns and grow their halos come the Lenten season.