
The lamps keep swaying, fully unaware:
is our light lying?
Is night the only reality
that has endured through thousands of years?
- Rainer Maria Rilke, Night

The lamps keep swaying, fully unaware:
is our light lying?
Is night the only reality
that has endured through thousands of years?
- Rainer Maria Rilke, Night
It didn’t seem like Christmas. There weren’t too many lights or Christmas trees, and the lanterns looked dim and grim. Children no longer pass by at night playing tambourines and drums, and singing Christmas carols. It looks like one of those ordinary days. The sadness and bleakness of it all, though, is only highlighted and underscored by the fact that it’s five days until Christmas.
I wonder if Christmas forgot about us this year. Too many things have happened over the past few months that maybe we do not have enough to celebrate with, or there’s just no reason to celebrate at all. “Pasko na naman” no longer heralds the coming of the season, but has become a sort of warning. Christmas is that time of the year where we spend bonuses on bills. It’s that time of the year where one’s 13th month pay goes to 13 inaanak‘s. Worse, with all the tragedies and calamities that befell the nation, there is no stable beam on the roof to hang a parol on.
The Scrooge in me goes “Bah, humbug” on every Christmas party I have to attend, but the child in me wonders where Christmas went.
I’m sure that the recipients of this year’s Gusi Peace Prize – the greatest by-god WHOO holy freaking awesome award for peace on the face of this planet – deserve it, but the unheralded champion of peace and harmony has always been the neighborhood panciteria.
On those nights where I go home very late from work, I head off to the panciteria for a very late dinner. There’s always the sight of the hurried, harrassed-looking man with his shirt collars up trying to hide a hickie, almost always with the same order. “Miss, pabili pancit. Paki-balot na lang.” Pancit has saved the Filipino family yet again from the ravages brought about by cheating husbands everywhere: failed marriages, crying children, and the possibility of institutionalizing divorce in this predominantly Catholic country populated by Sunday Christians and lovers on Simbang Gabi.
The family, that basic unit of society that it is, is saved by a literal thread of pancit.
(A very late response to “Reopening the question: Does poetry matter?” in Meat and Marginalia)
They say that poetry is a luxury. In many ways, art is a passion and a vocation by those who can afford it. It’s not only a matter of material wealth – the great bulk of our writers are people with modest means – but one’s wealth measured in time. Poetry and literature are accomplished with painstaking and undivided attention and commitment not only to revision, but also inspiration.
The significance of poetry, for me, is not to be found on the artistic value of verses alone. The significance of poetry can be found in creativity; the depth and wealth of which can help and teach us to find a way out of our impasse. The method of the poem, in its own simple way, can be translated to the method of our emancipation. While poems and verses can scarcely put food on the table for the lot of people (much less for underappreciated and underpaid writers), the creative mindset required to write a poem – and instilled by the poem itself – in its own simple way, can matter in the grand scheme of development and improvement.
Yet the value of poetry is not solely found in the rewards and awards bestowed upon a good poet. Creativity – the backbone of all art – is what makes a poem a poem. “The writer’s truth” is spoken of in reverence because it surpasses reality and comes closer to truth, the absolute essence of a topic (if it even exists). Creativity goes beyond the tried-and-tested and an understanding of the real; it is the all-accommodating, all-encompassing kind and way of thinking that encourages people to express themselves, to think out of the box, and to surpass their limitations.
I do some tech work on my blog every now and then, and much of that revolves around toying around with how my blog looks. Some of you may have noticed that I like switching themes and visual elements on my blog every now and then. In the early days, I used to have a fully-loaded sidebar with all sorts of widgets and areas to play around with. The last theme I used had a more conservative, sparse sidebar, and then I realized I don’t really need it at all.
I wanted to revert to white text on a black background, but then again I’ve grown a bit used to the usual black text on white background scheme that it works fine, especially considering the length of some of my entries. Sidebars and widgets can complicate things on my end, so I’m using a one-column, widget-free theme that has really nice typography: Manifest.
Hope you like it as much as I do.
I sometimes wonder if I ever did make good on the promise I made to you some years back: I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Back then, I dreamed of that day when I’ll hold your hand when we walk that aisle, and the preacher proclaims us husband and wife. That will never happen, now that the man in my dream isn’t me. You’ve just been engaged, I heard. Letting you go long ago, I guess, has come full circle.
I’m sure he’s everything I was supposed to be, or you expected me to be, but owing to my stubbornness, I wasn’t. I never did become your perfect guy, even if you were the 100% perfect girl for me. We met at the same crossroads every now and then, and somehow there was always those feelings of highs and lows. “What could have been?” “What if it were us?” It never really happened. It was just my dream, perhaps even yours. I guess right now, I guess we were never meant for each other after all.