Like here, here, here, and here.

My dislike for dentists bit me back in so many ways: abscessed molars, dental caries, extractions, impacted tooth removal, advanced prophylaxis, root canals, braces, caps, veneer, and everything else short of dentures.  I’ve called dentists everything from “holy mouth-men,” referencing them in some deep circle of Dante’s hell, and everything else in between.

Make no mistake about it: I hate dentists.  I do not deserve to own teeth.

Could a visit to some different sort of dentist change my mind?  Hmmm…

Meet Dr. Karla Domingo.

(That’s Ade, Dr. Karla, and myself.  Hola, Cebu Blog Campers!)

Now before you say that Dr. Karla’s looks were enough to make me like dentists, let me explain.  Having my teeth attended to by an older generation of dental professionals sort of created this caricature of dentists for me: the lot of them being heavy-handed, distant people who liked to scrape your teeth with very sharp hooks, prescribe very stiff toothbrushes, and give you obfuscated, long-winded, 30-minute lectures on the importance of brushing technique and the evils of sugar.

With less of the “Girl: Interrupted” vibe to it, K Dental Studio featured a recovery room, a spacious clinic space, and a giant flat-screen TV.  It seems that in this clinic, Dr. Karla wants you to go to the dentist more frequently: if you want your teeth taken care of well, the good folks at this dental studio will take care of you.  Such is her philosophy of “Tao of Tooth:” long-term, personalized dental care beyond the steel-wool-on-sticks from the last few dentists I’ve had done business with.  Plus, she works with a very light hand, but takes a very professional approach to the whole process.

While one visit would definitely not change my (unfair and unbalanced) negative opinions about a vocation and profession that has made a good living out of my pathetic excuses for teeth, I think Dr. Karla is on to something here: by making dental care more appealing as a part of living and less of a chore that can be postponed until the next toothache, there’s definitely room for another appointment.

Here are some pictures:

(This is me filling up a form.  Note my really bad posture.)

(Dr. Karla about to count my dental caries.)

(Camera always blurs whenever I attempt to smile.)

(Me and Ade eating pizza.  If anyone asks me if I gained weight, now you know.)

K Dental Studio’s website

K Dental Studio’s Facebook page

(Disclaimer: I’m writing this post at the behest of a friend.)

The big idea for Freshman Masculine Wash is simple: if there’s shampoo for your hair and toothpaste for your teeth, then there must be something for your intimate areas (the word “pototoy” makes bad copy).  A pH-balanced manoy, coupled with the fresh scent of tea tree oil (for whatever it’s worth), apparently gives you that cool and fresh feeling as “she.”  I doubt if the same feeling can be achieved by splashing tea tree Eskinol – or Gilbey’s Premium Strength, on one’s tarugo, but a titi smelling like a tea tree (good grief) would probably be in vogue once Freshman becomes acceptable and quite ordinary.

It didn’t fly (no pun intended) with Penifresh, but once you get the hang (again, no pun intended) of shower gels formulated and manufactured exclusively for your crotch, then Freshman may be for you.  Who wouldn’t want a cool, refreshed, moisturized, bacteria-free manly intimate area?

Surely there’s a market for Freshman: there’s probably research out there that justifies the existence of the product, like Blackberry devices and TENGA Onacups.  Like, 94% of men want a Lactacyd to call their own: after all, numbers don’t lie.  We wanted fully-functional email and push messaging on our cellphones and close-to-the-real-thing masturbation, but we have yet to see a product that gives us both.  Such is the way of economics: innovation either supplies a demand, or creates it.  Think pearl shakes (once more, no pun intended).

Or maybe they want to replicate the habits of a particular peoples (I’m not sure if it’s Hindus or Native Americans) who dunked their testicles in cold water to promote testicular health and virility… I read that somewhere.

A friend of mine over at Facebook says that it’s about time something like this existed for guys.  I don’t really know: I’m part of that fraction of the population who believes that a brisk and vigorous washing with soap is enough to kill bacteria in your intimate area (the phrase doesn’t lend well to masculinity), and if you take the time to select underwear fabrics and styles you don’t have to go through manly kulob feeling.  Coupled with hygienic sexual and urinary practices, guys don’t really need Freshman.

Yet we do, the manufacturers of Freshman claim: a three-minute lathering with their product can maintain a man’s pH levels (there was probably a litmus test here involving three men, Freshman, vinegar, water, and three strips of litmus paper) and give you a cool and fresh feeling.  Those are things that are important to men: once you start foaming up the fandangle with Freshman, even bacon briefs will start smelling like tea tree cologne.

Of course, there’s the need to overintellectualize things so that this blog entry becomes properly situated as “commentary” (lol).  Thorstein Veblen (a social theorist, but makes for an awesome penis name) lends a legacy to the idea of conspicuous consumption, where products are made and things are bought to meet ends of status, not necessarily utility.  Surely there’s a usefulness for Freshman, but it’s not in the “clean penis;” it’s in the “clean and fresh as She” penis that wants menfolk to invest in a soap exclusive for their private parts.  Even if soap and shower gels would give you a perfectly clean penis, it just isn’t enough: you need to care about pH balances, scent, tea tree, and cleansing agents for your pulsating python of love (yee-haw).  Soon enough, someone out there may think you need a specialized instrument to clean the back of your scrotum.  Who knows?

The thing I’m driving at (no pun intended) here is that Freshman isn’t “wrong;” I’d love to see this product succeed and see the day where I can confidently walk up to any pharmacist in the world and ask for a penis soap without shame.  Growing pains (no pun intended), I guess, for a product that fills a created need: that if this world would be a better place if we all had clean crotch Colossi, fresh frigamajigs, and tallywhackers that smell of tea trees.  So hooray for Freshman, more power for their makers, and in the meantime, I’ll muster up the courage to buy a bottle and write a proper, independent review.

* – Photo from the Freshman website.

Here we go!

1. Nelly Furtado, “Say It Right”
2. Blur, “Tender”
3. Killswitch Engage, “This Fire Burns”
4. Def Leppard, “Pour Some Sugar On Me”
5. Barbie’s Cradle, “The Dance”
6. Joan Jett, “I Love Rock And Roll”
7. The Ramones, “What I Like About You”
8. Linkin Park, “In The End”
9. Freddie Aguilar, “Magdalena”
10. Foo Fighters, “Walking After You”
11. Red Hot Chili Peppers, “Otherside”
12. Parokya Ni Edgar/Francis Magalona/Gloc-9, “Bagsakan”
13. Silverchair, “Ana’s Song”
14. Oasis, “Don’t Look Back In Anger”
15. Andrew WK, “She Is Beautiful”
16. Joey Ayala, “Karaniwang Tao”
17. Starship, “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now”
18. Tom Jones, “Green Green Grass of Home”
19. Jeremiah, “Nanghihinayang”
20. Korn/Amy Lee, “Freak on a Leash” (MTV Unplugged)
21. Neve, “It’s Over Now”
22. The Strokes, “Soma”
23. Cypress Hill, “Sticky Green Weed”
24. The Doors, “Moonlight Drive”
25. Backstreet Boys, “All I Have To Give”
26. Eminem, “White America”
27. Bon Jovi, “Always”
28. Joe Cocker & Jennifer Warnes, “Love Lifts Us Up Where We Belong”
29. Eagles, “Wasted Time”
30. Kelly Chan, “A Lover’s Concerto”
31. Hole, “Malibu”
32. Crash Test Dummies, “Someday”
33. Nirvana, “Come As You Are”
34. Smashing Pumpkins, “Tonight Tonight”
35. Mercyful Fate, “Curse of the Pharaohs”
36. Marc Velasco, “Ordinary Song”
37. Whitney Houston, “Heartbreak Hotel”
38. F4, “Can’t Lose You”
39. The Offspring, “Staring at the Sun”
40. Da Vinci’s Notebook, “Magic Kingdom in the Sky”
41. LFO, “Summer Girls”
42. Gary Valenciano, “Tayong Dalawa”
43. Led Zeppelin, “Achilles’ Last Stand”
44. Ricky Martin, “La Copa de la Vida”
45. The Moffatts, “I’ll Be There For You”
46. Vertical Horizon, “Best I Ever Had”
47. Merle Haggard, “You Never Even Call Me By My Name”
48. The Dixie Chicks, “You Were Mine”
49. Cher, “Believe”
50. Pearl Jam, “Rearview Mirror”
51. Britney Spears, “Don’t Let Me Be The Last To Know”
52. Miley Cyrus, “Party in the USA”
53. Hungry Young Poets, “Torpe”
54. Pilita Corrales, “Dahil Sa Iyo”
55. Ill Niño, “What Comes Around”
56. Rage Against the Machine, “Revolver”
57. Neil Diamond, “Sweet Caroline”
58. Pantera, “Revolution Is My Name”
59. System of a Down, “Starlit Eyes”
60. Lynnyrd Skynnyrd, “Tuesday’s Gone”
61. Grid, “Swamp Thing”
62. 5ive, “When The Lights Go Out”
63. Wolfgang, “Darkness Fell”
64. Michael Learns to Rock, “Breaking My Heart”
65. Jose Mari Chan, “I Have Fallen In Love (With The Same Woman Three Times)”
66. Natalie Cole, “Miss You Like Crazy”
67. AC/DC, “This Means War”
68. Trisha Yearwood, “How Do I Live”
69. Madonna, “Vogue”
70. Deep Purple, “Perfect Strangers”
71. God Lives Underwater, “From Your Mouth”
72. Marilyn Manson, “Arma-God-Damn-Mother-Fucking-Geddon”
73. Aerosmith, “Back In The Saddle”
74. The White Stripes, “Icky Thump”
75. 2Unlimited, “Get Ready For This”
76. Boyz II Men, “Color of Love”
77. Kylie Minogue, “You Did It Again”
78. Michelle Branch, “Everywhere”
79. Dimitri from Paris, “Une Very Stylish Fille”
80. Spice Girls, “Too Much”
81. John Mayer, “My Stupid Mouth”
82. Sisqo, “Thong Song”
83. Scorpions, “Dynamite”
84. Irene Cara, “What A Feeling”
85. Motorhead, “Smiling Like A Killer”
86. Eagle Eye Cherry, “Save Tonight”
87. Joey McIntyre, “Stay The Same”
88. Ultra, “Say You Do”
89. Our Lady Peace, “Naveed”
90. Steppenwolf, “Born to Be Wild”
91. Fastball, “The Way”
92. Ugly Kid Joe, “Everything About You”
93. Aaron Carter, “Crazy Little Party Girl”
94. Hanson, “Where’s The Love”
95. Quamo, “Di Ko Sinasadya”
96. All-4-One, “So Much In Love”
97. Color Me Badd, “I Wanna Sex You Up”
98. Radioactive Sago Project, “Astro”
99. All Saints, “Never Ever”
100. Jamiroquai, “Cosmic Girl”

The story goes that Seattle’s Best Coffee, the part of the Starbucks empire that deals with frou-frou coffee, have moved their logo direction from this…

To this:

Streamlined, sleek, and clean… anything but coffee.

People who are more creatively-inclined than I am may disagree, but I believe that logos embody more than just a message; they are graphic representations of the spirit of the brand.  Not everyone may know that Seattle’s Best Coffee was bought by Starbucks (along with every other storefront perpendicular to an existing Starbucks store), but it’s a specialty coffee shop: it appeals to coffee enthusiasts, those who don’t like the McDonaldized Ventis and frappés and quick-service macchiato.  It’s less “coffee;” it can either be:

Wireless, although a lot of people do go to coffee shops for WiFi, or:

“Specialty coffee;” if car is to gasoline, then man is to coffee.  Or even:

Not exactly very appealing.

I wouldn’t go into connotations of blood, menstruation, and a clitoris for all I care, but logos are meaningful; you can often create an entire brand strategy and make – or break – your product on the connotations of a single logo.  While it’s true that the sleek and streamlined Seattle’s Best Coffee logo looks good on engine oil additives, it’s not “coffee,” or “specialty coffee,” for that matter: the product that SBC is supposed to sell, and is in the business of selling. Communicating a message doesn’t end with a logo, but it sure begins there.

I’m not saying that SBC should revert to their old logo – it would do well if they make a similar logo but gets rid of the beer elements – but the new logo simply doesn’t work.  It doesn’t do what Seattle’s Best is supposed to do: scream coffee, sell coffee, and specialize in coffee.

Then again, I’m reminded of…

… and I thank whatever gods may be that Starbucks didn’t consider the coffee-for-kids market.  Yet.

I was a fellow last year, so to pay things forward to that awesome workshop, here’s this year’s batch of fellows:

*     *     *

National Writers Workshop Director-in-Residence Rowena Tiempo Torrevillas, the National Commission for Culture and the Arts, and Silliman University are pleased to announce that the following young writers have been accepted as fellows for the 49th National Writers Workshop scheduled on 3-21 May 2010:

For Poetry

Gian Paolo Simeon Lao (Ateneo de Manila University)
Dominique Allison Santos (University of Santo Tomas)
Jacob Dominguez (University of Santo Tomas)
Oscar Serquina Jr. (University of the Philippines-Diliman)

For Fiction

Aaron James Jalalon (University of the Philippines–Mindanao)
Jenette Ethel Vizcocho (University of the Philippines-Diliman)
Gilda Ysobel Galang (Ateneo de Manila University)
Anne Carly Abad (Ateneo de Manila University)
Gino Francis Dizon (Ateneo de Manila University)
Jose Carlo Flordeliza (De La Salle University)
Ida Anita Del Mundo (De La Salle University)
Samantha Echavez (University of the Philippines-Diliman)

For Creative Non-Fiction

Kelly Marie Tulio Conlon (University of the Philippine–Mindanao)
Miro Frances Capili (University of the Philippines-Diliman)
Christina Mae del Rosario (Ateneo de Manila University)

Congratulations, fellows!

Just for posterity’s sake: my video feature at Blogworld by the British Broadcasting Corporation.